Being Alive

I was sipping a perfectly acidic long black and biting into the crumbly French butter loaf, flipping through the pages of an independent magazine that embodies the art of types and space.

While I immersed myself in the vibe and openness of the Scandinavian-styled cafe, I felt my creative instinct tingling and my mind tinkering. I was inspired to create… Again.

As I journeyed along motherhood, on one hand, I was occupied by an increasingly verbal and mobile toddler; on the other hand, I felt like I have nothing to say.

In the past six months, without publishing an article, my creative endeavour has been reduced to sporadic social media posts prompted by the mere desire to not disappear completely.

I used to think that I am most alive when I was traveling, navigating myself through a new city, new culture, and new sceneries, exploring all the unknowns a place has to offer.

As I’m writing this, I have not left the country for more than 2 years or left my child for more than 3 days in a row. Even so, I am wrapped in a strange sort of peace living this life.

While motherhood could be all-consuming, within the boundary of routines, every day seems to be an adventure. There’s beauty in waking up and rising up to the challenges of the day no matter what they are — just like how my 1.5-year-old lives — always being present.

Maybe, feeling alive doesn’t necessarily require newness, exoticness, or risk; it could be the full immersion of one’s senses in ordinary moments, training the eyes to see the wonders in the otherwise, ordinary.

It could also be a weary mind and a drained body at the end of the day, brimming with hope to wake up to a brand new day after a night-long sleep that I know will be interrupted multiple times.

Paradoxically, while my world shrinks, I feel that I have expanded to be much more than I used to be — more fluid, self-compassionate, and more open to receiving all the lessons life bestows upon me.

It took me so long to know that being alive could have such a different look and feel than I’d ever known — I’m glad to have arrived here.

Hi, I am Isabelle, author of ‘The Art of Owning Your Story’ and ‘Heart’, I write about my life experiences and exploration, building a community ‘Own Your Story’ to create a safe space that nurtures conversation and self-knowledge. You can hop on to www.isabellethye.com to read more articles.

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